Unpopularity

Melvin D. Levine

I. Description of the problem. Chronic rejection by peers condemns a child to a life of isolation, extreme self-doubt, and perpetual anxiety. The unpopular schoolchild is susceptible to daily embarrassment through both passive and active exclusion by classmates. Such a child must endure the inevitable painful refrain, “Sorry, this seat is saved.” In many cases, exclusionary comments and actions may be augmented by bullying and verbal abuse. It is regrettably true that many of the most popular children are able to boost their status among peers by being especially creative and demonstrative in their predatory acts against unpopular children. The victim’s imposed isolation and constant fear of further humiliation is likely to take its toll on development and behavior.

A. Contributing factors. There are multiple pathways that may culminate in a state of unpopularity during the school years. In many instances, more than one factor may predispose a child to peer rejection. The following are among the common predisposing factors:
- 1. Intrinsic social cognitive dysfunction, such as a “learning disability,” impairing social awareness, practice, and skill. Social cognitive dysfunction, probably the most common source of unpopularity, may mediate or interact with other factors to yield unpopularity in a child. Table 85-1 contains 18 of the most important subcomponents of social cognitive dysfunction. A clinician assessing a patient’s social cognition can make use of such a list to pinpoint a child’s troubles in specific subcomponents. This process may ultimately provide a basis for coaching the child in the social domain.
- 2. Attention deficits. Traits such as impulsivity, insatiability, and verbal disinhibition associated with attentional dysfunction engender unpopularity.
- 3. Physical unattractiveness. Children whose physical appearance is somehow displeasing to their peers have been shown to be vulnerable to social isolation.
- 4. Poor gross motor skills. Inferior athletic abilities may potentiate unpopularity.
- 5. Language disability. Children with expressive language problems may not be able to use verbal communication to control relationships and keep pace with the banter and lingo of peers.
- 6. Autism spectrum disorders. Children who show signs of an autism spectrum disorder display varying degrees of social cognitive dysfunction, which commonly incites peer rejection.
- 7. Shyness. Some youngsters who are chronically shy in their temperament and therefore avoid social contact may fail to gain the experience needed in the quest for popularity.
- 8. Poor coping skills. A lack of adaptability and problem-solving skills may cause some children to react to daily stresses and conflicts with maladaptive behaviors, such as aggression. Such behaviors alienate others and promote rejection by classmates.
- 9. Eccentricity. Children who are nonconformists or have unusual interests, speech patterns, tastes, or values may be rejected by their more conventional peers who feel more comfortable with close replicas of themselves and harbor fears of contamination with “weirdness.” Thus, a child who loves to learn about spiders or enjoys listening to Handel oratorios may be ostracized by more conventional classmates.
- 10. Family patterns. There exist self-contained families that do not value generalized popularity, or the family unit itself remains isolated, either voluntarily or of necessity (perhaps due to genetic social cognitive dysfunctions).

B. Secondary phenomena. The clinical picture of an unpopular child is likely to be complicated by a chain of secondary phenomena, which may include extreme anxiety (or even depression), low self-esteem, and a repertoire of maladaptive defense tactics, such as excessive and inappropriate clowning, extreme controlling behaviors, or outright withdrawal. Often, these children seek relationships with adults or with much younger children because they are unable to form alliances within their own age group. In some cases, school phobic behaviors or somatic symptoms may be encountered. Finally, it is
not unusual for children who experience social difficulties at school to become aggressive, oppositional, and/or excessively demanding and dependent at home.

Table 85-1. Social cognitive dysfunction: the troubled subcomponents

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