Self-Esteem and Resilience
Robert B. Brooks
I. Description of the problem. Self-esteem plays a significant role in virtually every sphere of a child’s development and functioning. Performance in school, the quality of peer relationships, the ease and effectiveness of dealing with mistakes and failure, the motivation to persevere at tasks, and the abuse of drugs and alcohol are behaviors influenced by a child’s self-esteem.
Self-esteem is also implicated strongly in whether or not a child is resilient. Resilience may be understood as the capacity of a child to deal effectively with stress and pressure, to cope with everyday challenges, to rebound from disappointments, mistakes, trauma, and adversity, to develop clear and realistic goals, to solve problems, to interact comfortably with others, and to treat oneself and others with respect and dignity. Given the importance of self-esteem and resilience and the number of children who are burdened by low self-esteem, it is a worthwhile goal of the primary care clinician to become knowledgeable about effective strategies to foster a child’s sense of self-worth, competence, hope, and resilience.
Some clinicians have proposed that self-esteem is a product of the difference between our “ideal self,” or how we would like to be and what we would like to accomplish, and how we actually see ourselves—the larger the difference, the lower our self-esteem. A broader definition was offered by the California Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility, which envisioned self-esteem not only in terms of “appreciating my own worth and importance” but also “having the character to be accountable for myself and to act responsibly toward others.” This definition incorporates the respect and caring we show toward others as a basic feature of self-esteem, thereby lessening the possibility that self-esteem will be confused with conceit or self-centeredness.
A. Etiology/contributing factors.
1. Parent-child “goodness-of-fit”. The development of self-esteem and resilience is a complex process that can best be understood as occurring within the dynamic interaction between a child’s inborn temperament and the environmental forces that affect the child. “Mismatches” between the style and temperament of caregivers and children may trigger anger and disappointment in both parties. In such a situation children may come to believe that they have disappointed others, that they are failures, or that others are unfair and unkind. Low self-esteem and a sense of pessimism are common outcomes unless parents are able to lessen the impact of these mismatches by understanding and appreciating their child’s unique make-up and by modifying their own expectations and reactions so that they are more in concert with their child’s temperament.
2. Attribution theory. Attribution theory is one promising framework for articulating the components of self-esteem by looking at the reasons that people offer for why they think they succeeded or failed at a task or situation. The explanations given are directly linked to an individual’s self-esteem and resilience. It appears that children with high self-esteem perceive their successes as determined in a large part by their own efforts, resources, and abilities (internal locus of control). These children assume realistic credit for their achievements and possess a sense of personal control over what is occurring in their lives. This feeling of personal control is one of the foundations of a resilient mindset and lifestyle.
In contrast, children with low self-esteem often believe that their successes are the result of luck or chance and factors outside their control. Such a view lessens their confidence in being successful in the future.
Self-esteem also plays a role in how children understand mistakes and failures in their lives. Children with high self-esteem typically believe that mistakes are experiences to learn from rather than to feel defeated by. Mistakes are attributed to factors within their power to change, such as a lack of effort on a realistically attainable goal. Children who possess this view are better equipped to deal with setbacks and, thus, are more resilient.
On the other hand, children with low self-esteem, when faced with failure, tend to believe that they cannot remedy the situation. They believe that mistakes result from situations that are not modifiable, such as a lack of ability, and this belief generates a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. This profound sense of inadequacy makes future success less likely because these children expect to fail and begin to retreat from age-expected demands, relying instead on self-defeating coping strategies. Resilience is noticeably absent when a child’s life is dominated by feelings of resignation and hopelessness.
Attribution theory has significant implications for designing interventions for reinforcing self-esteem, optimism, and resilience in children. It serves as a blueprint for asking the following questions:
“How do we create an environment in homes and schools that maximizes the opportunity for children not only to succeed but to believe that their accomplishments are predicated in great measure on their own abilities and efforts?”
“How do we create an environment that reinforces the belief in children that mistakes and failure often form the very foundation for learning and growth—that mistakes are not only accepted but expected?”
These are important questions to address since a feeling of being in control of and taking responsibility for one’s life and dealing effectively with mistakes and setbacks are significant features of resilience.
II. Making the diagnosis. The signs of low self-esteem and limited resilience vary considerably. Children may display low self-esteem in situations in which they feel less than competent but not in those in which they are more successful. For instance, children with a learning disability may feel “dumb” in the classroom but may engage in sports with confidence. For some children, a sense of low self-esteem is so pervasive that there are few, if any, situations in which low self-esteem is not manifested.
With some children there is little question that their self-esteem is low or that they are not very resilient. They say such things as, “I’m dumb,” “I hate how I look,” “I never do anything right,” “I always fail,” “I’m a born loser,” “I’ll always be stupid.”
Other children do not directly express their low self-esteem. Rather, it can be inferred from the coping strategies they use to handle stress and pressure. Children with high self-esteem use strategies for coping that are adaptive and promote growth (such as a child having difficulty mastering long division who asks for additional help from a teacher). They demonstrate a feeling of hope.
In contrast, children with low self-esteem often rely on coping behaviors that are counterproductive and intensify the child’s difficulties. These self-defeating behaviors typically signal that the child is feeling vulnerable and is desperately attempting to escape from the problematic situations. Commonly used self-defeating coping behaviors are listed in Table 70-1. Although all children at some time engage in some of these behaviors, it is when these behaviors appear with regularity that a significant problem with self-esteem is suggested.Stay updated, free articles. Join our Telegram channel
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