About 2 million children in the United States younger than 18 years have a (or two) parent(s) who is/are lesbian or gay. Most children with a lesbian and/or gay parent were conceived in the context of a heterosexual relationship. A parent (or both parents) in a heterosexual couple may recognize, acknowledge, and/or disclose his or her homosexuality, after which some parents divorce and others continue to live as a couple. Increasing social acceptance of diversity in sexual orientation has allowed more gay men and lesbians to form committed intimate relationships and to embark on parenthood as a couple. Most of the considerations that exist for heterosexual couples when they consider having children are also faced by lesbians and gay men: concerns about time, finances, how children will affect their relationship, their own and their children’s health, and their ability to manage new parenting roles.

Lesbians and gay men undertaking parenthood face additional challenges, including deciding whether to conceive or adopt a child, obtaining donor sperm, or arranging for a surrogate carrier, finding an accepting adoption agency, making legally binding arrangements regarding future parental relationships, creating a substantive role for the nonbiologic or nonadoptive parent, and confronting emotional pain and restrictions imposed by heterosexism and discriminatory regulations.

Lesbians who wish to conceive a child may do so by alternative insemination techniques using sperm from a completely anonymous donor, from a donor who has agreed to be identifiable when the child becomes an adult, or from a fully known donor (e.g., a friend or a relative of the nonconceiving partner). Lesbians also can become parents by fostering or adopting children, as can gay men. These opportunities are increasingly available, though local legal statutes in some states and countries may still impose limitations. A growing number of gay men have chosen to become fathers through the assistance of a surrogate carrier who bears their child and possibly also an egg donor. Others have made agreements to participate as sperm donors in the conception of a child (often with a lesbian couple) and arranged to have variable levels of involvement with the child.

When a lesbian or a gay man becomes a parent through alternative insemination, surrogacy, or adoption, the biologic or adoptive parent is recognized legally as having full and more or less absolute parental rights. Despite the biologic or adoptive parent’s partner functioning as a co-parent, he or she has no formal legal rights with respect to the child unless he or she formally adopts the child. Such co-parent (or second-parent) adoption has important psychological and legal benefits.

A considerable body of research reveals that children of divorced lesbian mothers grow up in ways that are very similar to children of divorced heterosexual mothers. Several studies comparing children after divorce whose mothers were lesbian versus heterosexual have failed to document any differences in personality, peer group relationships, self-esteem, behavioral difficulties, academic success, or the quality of family relationships. Adult children of divorced lesbian mothers have recalled more teasing by peers during childhood than have adult children of divorced heterosexual parents, but they also report satisfaction with their friendships and social relationships.

Children born to and raised by lesbian couples appear to develop quite normally. Ratings by their mothers and teachers have demonstrated good social competence and self-esteem, and the prevalence and types of behavioral difficulties they demonstrate are comparable with population norms. Some reports suggest that these children may be less aggressive and more tolerant of diversity than children who grow up with heterosexual parents. Children whose lesbian parents report greater relationship satisfaction, more egalitarian division of household and paid labor, and more regular contact with grandparents and other relatives have been rated by parents and teachers to be better adjusted and to have fewer behavioral problems.

Although gay and lesbian parents may not, despite their best efforts, be able to protect their children fully from the effects of stigmatization and discrimination, parents’ sexual orientation is not a variable that, in itself, appears to predict their ability to provide a home environment that supports children’s development. Overall, it appears that children are more powerfully influenced by their own biology and family relationships than by family structure.