Lying, Cheating, and Stealing
Nerissa S. Bauer
Martin T. Stein
I. Description of the problem. The significance of three related behaviors in children—lying, stealing, and cheating—can be identified in the context of developmental tasks. Imagination and symbolic thinking in the preschool child followed by the formation of a conscience, understanding cause and effect, and self-esteem in a school-aged child determine and modulate the meaning of these behaviors. Every child lies and cheats at sometime, and many children steal something before adolescence. The challenge for the pediatric clinician is to unravel the significance of these events for an individual child—to clarify a normal developmental experience from disruptive, developmentally inappropriate misbehavior. These behaviors may be grouped under the general term: disruptive behavior disorders, but may have implications toward the development of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Primary Care (DSM-PC) disorders such as oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), especially if untreated or if it goes undiagnosed in its earliest stages.
A. Epidemiology.
1. These behaviors are seen occasionally in all children. A precise prevalence is unknown for the normal population.
2. Estimate of gender difference: three to four times more common in boys.
3. When occurring frequently in association with aggressive behaviors and impacting adversely on development and function:
a. Oppositional defiant disorder: 2%-16%
b. Conduct disorder: 6%-16% (males); 2%-9% (females)
c. Significant stealing: 5%
4. Risk factors: inappropriate parental response to or unrealistic expectations for behavior, family disharmony, coercive discipline, difficult temperament, excessive exposure to violence (in home, community, television, movies), and cognitive deficiency.
B. Familial transmission. Both environmental and genetic components are found in the most severe forms when there is consideration of a disruptive behavior disorder.
C. Etiology/contributing factors.
1. Environmental. The child’s immediate environment may be a contributing factor. When a preschool child expresses a developmentally appropriate “untruth,” parental overreaction (e.g., expression of guilt or excessive discipline) may contribute to repetition of the behavior. Situational stress may come from school (recent change in grade, new school, bullying, or victimization), home (parental unemployment, poor housing conditions, parental illness, exposure to violence), or community (child abduction, natural disaster, violence in media).
2. Developmental. Temperament, the stable, individual differences in emotional reactivity, activity level, attention, and self-regulation may in some children be associated with excessive lying, stealing, and cheating. Both behavioral inhibition or low selfregulation and the “difficult child” may predispose to these behaviors especially in the context of a parent or teacher whose own temperament is not adaptable to the child.
Characteristics of a developmental stage clarify many behaviors. In the 3-and 4-year-olds, an active imagination can generate “tall tales” or “white lies.” They reflect developmentally appropriate processing of events. Young children often have a difficult time distinguishing between fantasy and reality during the toddler and preschool years. Young children cope with stressful situations by reflection—how a child wishes things were or how they should be. In the school-aged child, there is an awareness of societal expectations and the gradual emergence of a conscience (usually by the age of 8 years) with the cognitive and emotional maturity to differentiate a truth from an untruth. Cheating is seen occasionally in the school-aged child and more often in middle school. Winning games and academic success in school may overcome the child’s sense of what is right and desire to be part of a team. Prior to the age of 7 years, children will often “bend” rules to win board games and not have a true understanding
that rules are not to be broken. Stealing may begin with a toddler/preschool child whose actions are guided by egocentrism and who does not understand that taking something that does not belong to her is wrong. “What’s mine is mine” and “What’s yours is mine” is reflective of the typical mindset of these young children. In schoolaged children, isolated stealing is usually an impulsive act. At this age and in middle school, stealing may develop out from the child’s desire for possessions or a result of attention seeking or revenge. It may reflect poor parental role modeling or ill-defined rules/boundaries.
3. Parenting and other role models. Considering the frequency of lying, stealing, and cheating during early development, the parental response to an event is a critical factor. Each of these behaviors is a potential opportunity to teach a child about their role in society—a preschool child who steals a candy bar, a school-aged child who lies about a grade, or a middle school youth who cheats on an examination. The manner in which parents, teachers, and other adults respond to these events is important. In addition, the way parents live their own lives models significant behaviors for children each day.
4. Organic: Neurobehavioral disorders may be associated with poor self-regulation and lead to excessive lying, cheating, and stealing. It may be seen in children and youth with oppositional behaviors as a component of depression, anxiety, or conduct disorder. Genetic disorders and fetal drug exposure (e.g., fetal alcohol syndrome) may predispose to repetitive and chronic lying, cheating, or stealing.
II. Making the diagnosis. The assessment should take place in a supportive environment that allows for a thorough history and physical examination, review of pertinent supporting documents (i.e., teacher narratives, past psychoeducational testing), and time to address specific parental concerns. The pediatric clinician should (1) distinguish if the misbehavior is normal in terms of the child’s overall cognitive development or abnormal; (2) evaluate potential risk or protective factors that may be contributing or can readily extinguish the misbehavior; and (3) provide guidance to parents that encompass both preventive, as well as, practical parenting strategies to be utilized “in the moment.”
A. Signs and symptoms. Parents and clinicians usually (or eventually) know when a child has lied, cheated, or stolen something. The recognition of these behaviors begins the process of a behavioral diagnosis. An isolated symptom in the absence of other behavior problems or developmental delay suggests that the behavior may be consistent with normal developmental expectations. First and foremost, the pediatric clinician should obtain an understanding of the misbehavior in concrete terms, utilizing the ABC framework.
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